Letting Go

People are afraid to get hurt. I get it. That’s why he said that love should free him and not put him in any cage. That’s why he decided not to pursue whatever possibilities that we may have. He’s afraid that attachment or distance will hurt him. The last thing that he needs in his complicated life.

I am also afraid to get hurt. With the new love and uncertain possibilities with new people. My feeling to him… felt safe and certain. I only accept things that I can tolerate. And this pain, because he decided not to choose me, decided to have this love untested, feels familiar to me. That’s why I chose to stay and love him. Always. For the past 3 years.

I remember I was crying when I listened to Lionel Richie — Truly, at the moment I realized that I love him so much. I love him so much that I want to scream out loud to call his name. We were supposed to meet for one last time before I fly back to my country and he travel to another country. But he stood me up last minute because he couldn't stand the farewell between us. I have a lot of things to say to him. That I found love at the moment he held me. I found my past lover and karmic love, which once again has tested us again in this timeline. And I think this is the time that I should say goodbye to him.

I’m letting you go, A. You are free to go to find the meaning of life that you seek. I’m happy that we met again in this timeline. I wish I could remember you sooner. You are always the familiar feeling that reminds me of home. But I also have to leave this and move forward in life. Hurt and pain are inevitable and I’m ready for the next adventure. For the real love that is meant for me.

With love,

T